I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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