You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
