I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
