Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
