To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
