This girl is more easily done than said...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
