there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
