Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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