apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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