nut hugger
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
