how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
where are my eyebrows?
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