Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
