I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
