after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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