Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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