about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
