Your tits are I can't wait for
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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