I want to have your abortion
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't think brook has ever known best
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
