Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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