still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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