just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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