Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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