dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
