that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
