I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
