what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
