I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
