Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she looked like the before picture.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
