i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I look better un-naked...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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