I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
