no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
