omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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