I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
