I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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