Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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