theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bring me that man meat
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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