well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
