i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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