you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
