i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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