So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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