Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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