Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
