hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
