i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
