i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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