Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
