Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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