You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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