Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
