New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
