I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
