When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
