remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Im part way to drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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