Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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