so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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