Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
