so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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