Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
