It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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