1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my sisters under your porch take her home
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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