If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
