Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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