I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Still dying that you shit outside
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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