I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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